she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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