I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
