I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize