Sry I called you an 8
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
