we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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