ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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