have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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