I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
