no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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