when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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