i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
