I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
