Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
