Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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