i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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