Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
