you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize