Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize