Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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