Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
