Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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