Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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