whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
