I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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