You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
