Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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