I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
