He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
