Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
