I faked an abortion last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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