The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my liver is dry heaving
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
