I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
