My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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