New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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