yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
