so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
where are you?
Hypothermia
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
