I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize