Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
