Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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