so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
