I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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