I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
