OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
