Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
