My cat gives me a boner
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
