so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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