I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
