im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
