I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
