The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
