I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
