I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
