She is in my trunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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