I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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