Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
