I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
