The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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