The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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