well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
