Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
