Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
