Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
