dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
