So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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