my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
